Music Industry: "This Time for Sure!"

From Times Online, hence the use of the super-classy "-ised" suffix.

The world's big four record companies are to go head-to-head with Apple with the launch of a new form of album download that will include a digitised version of a record sleeve.

Sony, Warner, Universal and EMI are putting the finishing touches to an album format that will give music fans a computerised version of the sleeve notes that come as standard with a CD, including lyrics and artwork, and videos.

I'm no music industry analyst. I'm not asked to appear on Fox & Friends to comment on the latest RIAA lawsuit or offer my opinions on that Jackson fellow who apparently died a few weeks ago. Much of my understanding of the music industry comes from watching old episodes of WKRP in Cincinnati, so I assume everyone walks around in satin roadie jackets and makes references to "Maui Wowie."

It seems to me, though, that the record industry's biggest problem is that it has no idea what it's doing.

Instead of hoping that "digitised record sleeves" with little virtual booklets that you can flip through will help save their grubby little business, maybe they could try asking people what they want. It's a bold concept, but it's worked in the past. It's why Tony Danza is no longer given TV shows. The people in charge of TV eventually thought to ask people what they like and don't like, and everyone universally agreed that they do not like Tony Danza. The music biz could do the same, only (and I cannot stress this enough, music biz) not about Tony Danza.

So industry folks--put down that rolled up twenty dollar bill for a moment and ask the right questions. Ask people how they actually use music in this day and age. You might hear things you don't want to hear, like the album is no longer a meaningful concept to young people. You might hear that killing off the single in the 1990s was a bad idea, because people are looking to hear that one song whenever they want. Apple taught us that most people will pay a little to get their music on demand, and we have every indication that this is the way things are heading. Reading shout-outs to God on a screen and scrolling up and down a picture of an album cover might be the answer, but if it is, it's only through sheer luck. Even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while.

Sure, old-timey folks like me still love albums. But we want a real artifact that we can idly look at as we sit and listen. CD booklets were daunting enough, with their tiny type and irritating little booklets that get stuck on those stupid little tabby things. Not to mention that darn sticky strip on the top of the case! And those kids who don't get off my lawn even when I shake my fist! Also, I fear death panels.

But as this latest nonsense about liner notes we read on a tiny little iPhone screen proves, the industry keeps coming up with increasingly hare-brained schemes to cover for mistakes that they could have avoided if they weren't so gosh-darned stupid. Like a wacky neighbor in a failed Tony Danza sitcom.

01 Big Ten Inch Record.mp3