c101: December 2005 Archives

Why should I be different than other online magazines, newspapers and any other other media outfit and provide a look back at the year that was 2005?

Before I continue, go check out eLarceny to see RFO's compilation of all things musical in 2005. I suggest you run out and buy/steal what RFO lists, because he knows his tunes.

So, though it may be quite macabre to some, I always like to see which celebrities died over the past year, it always shocks me who kicked the bucket, seems always part of my youth dies too. Anyway, here goes...

Michael Vale, the actor known for his portrayal of a sleepy-eyed Dunkin' Donuts baker who said "Time to make the doughnuts," died Dec. 24. He was 83. Sad. I fondly remember those commercials as a youngster. They didn't make me want donuts, but just seeing the donut fella on TV made me feel good.

Guess who else got their wings? Pat Morita of "Karate Kid" fame, but not before receiving the 2,032nd star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame - nice work sunsei. Len Dresslar, known nationally for singing just three little words: "Ho Ho Ho," oh yeah, the Jolly Green Giant character, died of cancer in a Palm Springs, California. Talk about fond memories, that commercial almost made me want to eat my veggies and it was like watching a 30-second cartoon. Loved that damn giant.

"Get Smart" star Don Adams also didn't make it to 2006. I loved the show when I was little, though I have to admit that the beginning and end theme music with him walking through a million types of sliding doors was my favorite part. That and I had a crush on Agent 99. Matthew McGrory, the deep-voiced 7-foot-plus actor best known for his role as a gentle giant in the movie "Big Fish," also died Aug. 9 of natural causes. He was 32. Great movie - go see it.

Peter Jennings, who became the sole anchor of ABC News beginning in 1988, died Aug. 7 at age 67. Jennings brought the news into my house for a long time and I liked him way better than Dan Rather and Tom Brokaw. Plus, I learned on a special after he died that he was very involved in charity work, most often helping those less-privileged attain their education. You were a hell of a guy, Pete, even if you were Canadian.

Merry and Happy y'all. I went against tradition this year and spent Christmas in Chicago with VS and boy-oh-boy did we receive a Christmas present to remember. Christmas day was rather uneventful (as it should be) until about 3:30 p.m. We had just returned from Dr. Bone's house after some Chicken the cat day care. I was parking my car when I noticed a blue Corsica roll past me and take a right into our alley. Three seconds later I hear VS yelling my name, only to see him crunched up against the building by said Corsica - the ol' pincher move. VS had a 12 of Budweiser and his camera bag, but we are still not sure what the fella was fixin' to gank.

Time stood still as I witnessed VS somehow elude harms way, pushing the fella and then running like a crazy man down the alley. I didn't need any more reason to bolt as well. Happy to say that we got away with our lives and other than some smashed beers, our Corsica driving Grinch got nada. Still, the experience rattled my cage. As VS and I came down off the adrenaline buzz we were both left to dwell on the what ifs and all things random.

So the moral, which I think we all know in our hearts, is that each minute we have is precious. I suppose in an incredibly strange way, Corsica man gave VS and I a Christmas present we should never forget. A lesson we all hear, but few truly apply - live it up y'all, because who knows what tomorrow may bring.

Anyway, here is the Langley School Project, a school teacher in the 1970's had his choir sing some actually good songs - check out their rendition of "Good Vibrations". Also, how about some Clem Snide, "Exercise."

Well, after my last view vacation posts, I suppose I should try to return this bloggy to journalistic greatness. That means informing you of things that you may not know. Here are some fun facts:

Men are gaining on women in life expectancy. Women can still expect four more years than men, but over the last two decades, men have increased their life expectancy at twice the rate of women. Reasons: 1) Women are working and getting more stress from it. 2) Women took up smoking about 25 years ago and are now dying from it. Sorry about your luck ladies, equality sucks, don't it?

Still, the one very important thing that the study neglects to mention is that the reason most men die earlier is because they spend their entire lives dealing with women. They should study lesbians, bet they die the same age as men. Prolly gonna get some feedback on that one.

Teenage substance abuse is shifting from illegal to legal drugs. Among 8^th graders, marijuana use has fallen to 12 percent, but abuse of barbituates, sedatives and tranquilizers has risen to 7 percent. New favorites of Jimmy and Susy are painkillers such as Oxycontin and sleeping pills such as Ambien. Huh? What happened to good 'ol beer? I guess now doing the pot ain't all that bad?

And last, our 'lil entrepeneur of the year award goes to Freddie who figured out supply and demand. Albeit he is marketing his body, which is also a creep factor of 10.

Webcams have opened a new era in child pornography. 1) Webcams are now cheap enough for kids to afford. 2) Broadband is fast enough to deliver sexual video. 3) A kid who posts innocuous video of himself is tracked down by pedophiles, who befriend him and offer money for favors, starting with partial nudity via the Webcam. 4) Some kids turn this into a business. 5) Parents don't know, because the Webcam is in the kid's room. 6) Cops can no longer pose as kids to catch pedophiles, because pedophiles insist that the kid show himself on a Webcam

Sure do love my equations. And this one applies. I am back from Taipei and I am tired and jet lagged. Still, I feel the need to share one last photo from my little far-east sojourn. Yep, I know - Suave. But, don't be fooled as I was drunk as a skunk after playing Taiwanese drinking games, imbibing red wine like a champ and then sitting in hot mountain spring water. That, my friends, is how an evening should be spent. Let's listen to Air's "Modular Mix" and ponder.

This time, the loveliness is from Ali Shan, one of the nine mountainous regions in Taiwan. Exhale and inhale and feel the far easty in your veins. Thanks to plate tectonics or "Earthquake Weather" we are granted an exhilarating view - and if you don't have Beck's Guero, get it. I don't think he should ever make a record without the Dust Brothers again.

Ni Hao from Taiwan. Here is a photo from Taipei's Hell Valley. The name my conjure images of Satan's lair, in fact, this was one of the most majestic and truly lovely places I have ever seen.

Obviously, this spring is hotter than a mofo, thus the steamy goodness. So hot, that my lovely tour guide informed that 20 years ago, many vendors sold eggs to boil in the water. Today, there is no access to the water, but to witness the steam wisting gently off the water is something to behold. Now, let's listen to a classic that has been sampled right and left David Axelrod's, "Holy Thursday". I think the tune and heat from the bowels of earth blend perfectly.

Well, looky, looky. Guess who the smart guy is? His name is Kevin Martin and he is the Federal Communications Commission Chairman. I didn't think I liked these people at all. These were the same folks that went ape when Janet, Miss Jackson if your nasty, showed her cute sun-shaped areloa ring to the world. I still hate those mofos, anyway, but let's move on.

Seems Kevbo rattled the cages of cable executives yesterday when he spoke at a Senate hearing on decency and programming and suggested that one way for cable companies to address parents' concerns was "to offer programming in a more a la carte manner, giving consumers more choice over which programs they want to purchase." Now, I don't give a shit if lil' Johnny sees boobies, but I really like that a la carte idea.

People could opt out of cable programming, opt in, or just buy a bunch of channels for a fixed price. Martin went on to note that he believed an FCC study last year on so-called "a la carte" pricing models