This is overdue. Today, let's learn about the glorious cult, yes cult, called Scientology. One hears about these assheads all the time - you know, the Cruise and Travolta, but what is Scientology all about, C$?
Well, it's complicated. But the short of it is rather scary and prolly safe to assume that the Cruise doesn't want you to know. Here goes:
Scientology was started in the 1950s by a science fiction writer named L. Ron Hubbard. Scientology is an offshoot to a method of psychotherapy L. Ron concocted from various sources which he named "Dianetics". Dianetics is a form of regression therapy. It was then further expanded to appear more like a religion in order to enjoy tax benefits.
Keep reading, it gets a bit more twisted...
Basically, the more chedda you pay said assheads, the higher you climb in the asshead hierarchy.
The highest level, OT VIII, is only disclosed at sea, on the Scientology cruise ship Freewinds. Because Scientology is a mystery religion, the more closely guarded and esoteric teachings imparted at these higher levels may not always be entirely consistent with its entry-level teachings. In other words, you might hear the story of Xenu and his Galactic Confederacy.
Scientologists argue that published accounts of the Xenu story and other colorful teachings are presented out of context for the purpose of ridiculing their religion.
Scientology's doctrines famously include the story of Xenu, the ruler of the Galactic Confederacy who brought billions of frozen people to Earth 75 million years ago, stacked them around volcanoes and blew them up with hydrogen bombs, creating swarms of disembodied alien souls known as Body Thetans.
According to Scientologists, there are a few thousand clusters of these confused souls now in all of our bodies. The Church of Scientology has cleverly figured out a way to get rid of these alien cooties. You can pay them a lot of money.
So there you go. Delicious Katie Holmes has been sucked it Xenu's vortex - never to return. Let's listen to some heavenly music to repel Xenu, shall we? Here is Magnet with "Lay, Lady Lay" and Clark with "Vengeance Drools."
Vengeance Drools
C$, please add the address where people can send their money to rid themselves of all the alien cooties.
Will do, Cole. Why don't you send me your donation first and I will make sure it gets to the Scientologists - I swear by the hand of Xenu.
Can Scientology cure that burning sensation I feel when I urinate?
Ummm...
I think you need to see a MD for that and also watch where you a sticking your sausage link. No more Springfielders!
[5] Stick to Swantonians & all will be fine...just ask C$
Never have I messed with a Scantonite, Durty Dale. Plenty of Sylvanians though. They are all sluts.
I don't understand all of your words. I'm scared
Gotta be a T-towner to understand. Sorry Thunder. Your prolly feel even more left out because your mom sure understands...my dilznick.
I'll tell you Toledo natives something - nobody f-s like a Rossforder. They will teach you the meaning of sex.
I doubt that highly, KW. P-burgians, perhaps, but durty Rassforders? C'mon.
Exactly. DURTY Rassforders. Just make sure to wrap it before you go slumming.
Not related the the post: Y'all should know better then to go sticking your thingy in the backwood folk. You might get it bit off.
Semi related to the post: Have y'all seen the photos of Suri Cruise? Bitch is wearing a toupee! I'm guessing several Thetans were trying to escape out of the top of her head and left a nasty mark.
Or maybe it was just a case of conjoined twin myslexia and the stitches were still pussing.
Freshie -
You totally got hosed on the death pool. SHE EXISTS!
Sorry RFO. Chin up.
I'm not out of it yet. She could kick off in the next couple of months in some sort of eletrical accident caused my an E-Meter and I would rack up 100 points anyway.