Peter Piper

Okay, well, let's all think Linwood for that little digression down Drug Way. Thank you, Linwood. Let's return to love making and those other three positions. I told you I wouldn't forget...

4. Rear Entrance (or "dog fashion") - My favorite. Sorry. "This position is apparently favored by primates and early Greeks. It is also rejected by many Americans because of its 'animal origins' and lack of face-to-face intimacy." OK, then. The advantages include allowing for manual stimulation of the clitoris and exciting for men who are turned on by the female buttocks. Yum. It is also good for males with small penises and women with large vaginas. A match made in heaven. Speaking of a match made in heaven and dog fashion, pictured is what happens when you google images under the search of doggy. Wow.

5. Sitting - This was used by nine percent of married women and was learned by "making out" in the back seats of cars. Advantages include clitoral contact with the male body and it's good for our pre-mature ejaculators as well. Sounds like a win-win to yours truly. Of course the disadvantages listed include 'does not allow for vigorous thrusting and yet, sometimes tiring.' That's rich.

6.Standing - "Has echoes of quickie against alley wall with a prostitute, therefore exciting." Holy isht, did I mention my book of lists book is the best ever? Advantages include "allowing caressing and can flow from dancing and taking a shower" Disadvantages are that it does not allow for much thrusting.

I feel smarter, I know y'all do too. Let's rok some Tosca "Zuri" and one of the classic hip-hop tunes of all time "Peter Piper" from RUN D.M.C.