This is one of my favorite posts ever. Ever. Seems this 33-year-old fella from Iowa, Travis Frey, is facing charges that he tried to kidnap his own wife (not to mention a separate child pornography rap).
Stellar stuff already, I know, but it don't end their kiddies. Oh no. Nope, Trav likes contracts and he drew one up for his wife. This stuff is so damn golden that I have provided the link, here. Please read through everything, you won't be disappointed. There are so many lovely little snippets to choose from - just one - Trav wants his lady to only wear thigh-highs and thong panties at all times. Duh, of course.
He also wants a closely monitored and shaved pubic region, 'shaved from the navel to the anus' on said chicky. Of course, this begs the obvious question, "What kind of hairy bitch is this? You mean to tell me her pubic region measures from her navel to her cornhole? I went out with Mexican and she wasn't even that hairy.
Other highlights of the contract include a section that includes 'During My Time' wills and will nots...wait, back up. We have to rewind to subsection entitled "My Time." During 'My Time" said hairy bitch...'will be in my service to do anything and everything (hell yeah it's underlined) which may or may not be in a sexual manner.' Way to keep her guessing Trav!
I could go on, but why? Just read it and leave a comment back here. Enjoy!
As for music, let's go Kruder & Dorfmeister from the G-Stone Book, 'cause my man Trav is all G. Here is "Orozco" and hmmm...how 'bout my girl Lil' Kim (Featuring, appropriately, Sisqo of "Thong Song" fame) "How many Licks."
Bless you Travis.
Orozco
How Many Licks
I'm thinking about instituting the "Good Behavior Day" system here at eLarceny. C$, you have earned 12 GBD for this delightful post.
Also, this guy is probably cursing Fate's cruel hand for sticking him with the same name as that kiddie porn lovin' control freak. But I guess that's what you get for being a cornbreeder.
Thank you RFO. I have a thong on right now - do I get yet another GBD?
You get 5 extra GBDs because the thong was unexpected. This is one of the funniest things that I have ever seen. Well done C.
For those who aren't already listening, it is essential that you start downloading The Ricky Gervais Show podcast. The show is Gervais and Steven Merchant, the creators of The Office and Extras, and a third guy named Carl Pilkenson. The show centers around the daily musings of Carl, who is, to put it mildly, slightly left of center. I've listen to three shows now and have been laughing my ass off. It is, in a word, brilliant.
[2] [3] C$, you lose seven GBDs for asking for more GBDs even though you are wearing a thong.
And everybody should check out the Ricky Gervais podcast, just until he starts charging money for it come next month. Greedy, limey bastard.
i'm addicted to the ricky gervais show. it makes me shart with laughter. karl pilkington is a genius.
I hear a little snippet on NPR, something about dinosaurs and survival of the fittest. Not a bad idear.