August 2009 Archives

I used to be a DJ - a long, long time ago. I was a club DJ - not one of those fast talking radio jocks. The only thing I really miss about being a DJ is that perfect moment when two songs intersect; become one and then split. Life giving way to life. It was beautiful.

Mostly, I'd spin records while drunk people "danced" at various clubs around town that would pop up every couple of months, disappear just as quickly and then reappear with a new name and management. I don't ever recall getting paid. I had to spin mostly Top 40 shite or remixes of Top 40 shite. Sometimes I wouldn't, which is probably why they never paid me. . .

Radiohead is rich and apparently bored because now they have decided to mess with their fans' heads. Over the last week, some uber-nerdy Radiohead fans stumbled upon a leaked track called "These Are My Twisted Words." After extrapolating some data from the file they concluded that the track was indeed by Radiohead and was the first track off of what would surely be a new Radiohead EP titled Wall of Ice to be released on August 17.

As the weekend progressed, this kind of snowballed into a fever pitch and then BLAM! Monday came and nothing happened. Well, Radiohead did officially release "These Are My Twisted Words," (you can download it for free) but that was it. No EP. And now everyone is like, "WTF? Why would Radiohead leak one of their own tracks a week before they officially released it and gave it away for free?"

Well, why not? Radiohead are rich, well educated and they have an obsessive fan base with whom they seem to enjoy fucking with, which is awesome.

Stuff to Steal: Radiohead's "These Are My Twisted Words" 

Apparently most of middle America is now afraid of President Obama. Although I'm not sure why. I can't be bothered to read the newspaper anymore or watch news shows. I can barely bring myself to watch The Daily Show because when I do, the outrage starts to boil over and I get angry. And you wouldn't like Fresh when he's angry.

Here's the thing - I don't get the health care bill and I'm guessing most of America - by their adverse reactions one way or the other - doesn't really get it either. So instead of trying to wrap my head around it, while choking through this sudden case of déjà vu, I decided to do a little Photoshop therapy. Do you like it? I'm going to put it on t-shirts and sell it to right wing nut jobs, to help them further their message of fearing what you don't understand, and to hipsters who will find it totally ironic. Needless to say, I'm going to get rich, because neither of those groups are very bright.

As an aside, if you can explain this health care bill thing-ameh-jig to me in 15 words or less (bonus if its in haiku) I might see my way to giving you one of these awesome t-shirts for free. If not, you'll be able to pick up one at Wal-Mart for $3.00 or Urban Outfitters for $32.00. 

Your iPod is useless. Seriously.

"But why Fresh? Why is my iPod useless?"

Well, as of six months from now you won't need it. The mp3 is dead. Just like DVDs are dead, you just don't know it yet.

I'll back it up - I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's talk about consolidation for a minute. There is no way I'm limiting myself to 100 items. Not happening. I have a love affair with stuff, but I don't need my iPod. You can have it - if I didn't think it might be cool to pull out in 20 years and show my kids. I don't even need the MP3 player in my phone anymore.

The wave of the future is coming. And the future is called Spotify. Here's the rub. Right now, on most smart phones, you can access streaming audio sites like Pandora or Slacker Radio.

The only problem with Pandora or Slacker is that you are putting the Playlist in their hands. At the very most, you simply suggest what band you would like to hear and they extrapolate a list of songs and other artists from that tidbit of information, which is based on the listening preferences of other users. But who wants to listen to a random set of songs based on one artist? Especially if all the songs that follow are picked form other people's listening habits? It's a well-known fact that other people's taste in music sucks.

I'll skip on the handshakes, I'm straight what else.

It's time to resurrect eLarceny. C$ has been tending the home fire while I've been neglecting my duty to the Internets - he's a man of true integrity. I had forgotten how important it was for me to be one of many voices, spouting senseless rhetoric on the minutea of human existence. It feels nice to be back.

I would now like to introduce you to another man of integrity - The Qualifier. Q will be laying down the written word at his self-titled space on the Interwebs: The Qualifier

So join us won't you, as we begin again . . .