I had originally started this blog to document all of the things I steal and my general life of crime. Because, when you get right down to it, I’m just a petty thief with a high-speed Internet connection. However, things have changed a bit since my first post. I learned some code, started to apply myself and actually gained some readership. Who'd a thunk it?
On Friday, November 4, 2005 eLarceny will celebrate its first birthday. To commemorate the occasion and show a little bit of appreciation for the people who stop by occasionally, I will give away some presents. All you have to do is send me an e-mail containing these three things:
1. Name and address.
2. Color and type of underwear you are currently wearing (a picture would also be acceptable - preferably if you are a female)
3. Any thoughts/feelings/ideas you have to make eLarceny, the blogs associated with eLarceny and this whole thing we are doing here better for you as a reader or in general (The underwear thing was a joke, this request is not. Please give me some feedback. Tell me I’m special. I just want to be loved. Oh, I'm so lonely).
Do those three simple things and I will send you a package of birthday surprises via our proud and pompous United States Postal Service.
And thank you, all of you, from the very bottom of my blogger heart, I couldn't do it without you.
Update: Birthday offer has ended. Thanks again!
Stuff to Sample: Have some Cake and ice Cream.
1. F-U. There's my name and address. 2. Your mom already seen me in (and especially out) of my underwear and I have the photos. 3. Here are my thoughts and feelings punk beeatch. I will give you nothing, for there is nothing. I lost the f'n Haiku contest to Stephen' Muellar's drivel? You think I am going to give you feedback - let alone the positive variety after that slap? You forgot to add brazen and putrescence to the list of shit you learned this year, craphead.
No, really. Happy Anniversary.
Well, isn't that nice.
Hope you don't regret those comments in the morning...
one would have thought C$ would have released some angst moving to the big city...obviouly it hasnt worked.
i'm not smart enough to offer improvement advise, so all i have to say is keep on rockin'
this site got so much better when i realized there was more than just C101
F-U too Dale. c101 is all you need.
why so mean wiggy? is steve holding back on the hot toddies?
Happy 1st....too many more!
Salute!
:gulp gulp gulp:
Thanks for welcoming us to the blogging family and community and creating an environment in which wookies can root for whatever crappy football team they like. Salud!
I don't at all. I think the Hello Kitty should stay forever and ever. Just as long as you find those weird ass Japanese commercials to go with it. Hello Kitty. Hello Brother. Hello Backpack.
hello C$'s mom
[8]
Like this?
I heard ya mamma shows appreciation to the people that stop by.
C$, the video aside, that voice-over is beyond creepy.
Happy birthday, fellas. Fine accomplishment. Mammas should be especially proud. Feedback: Good tunes. More o' that. Call me prude, but I'm not revealing my panties.
Now what of this present?
[11] Ha ha! When did the comments turn into a bad "Your Mamma" comedy hour?
As for the present, you need to give me your name and address, and then I'll send it; it's a birthday surpirse. What does no one believe me? I don't have much to do besides blog and play cornhole.
Or I'll just stalk you. Either way, it's pretty fun, huh?
[12]
For me, the "Your mamma" cracks are mostly due to my lack of originality, wit, and creativity.
And it's good clean fun, like doodie or monkey humor.
Well, it's been a few years since I've had a stalker on my trail (what a freak...they called him "Fast Eddie"; he sat behind me in Algebra 101 @ OhioU, 1993). As I get older in this cold, lonely world I'm changing my tune...having a stalker may be better than no attention at all. Bring it.
[1] C$:
I'm shocked and disappointed to hear such filth out of you, Wiggers. I see you're hurt about losing the Haiku contest, but don't be a sore loser; maybe you two just need a big cyber-hug.
It's no wonder that your good buddy is so disesteemed, Mr. Oppression ("Please give me some feedback. Tell me I’m special. I just want to be loved. Oh, I'm so lonely").
I might have to take back what I said, if we don't see some self-resignation and apologize to your old pal for such hurtful words...perhaps you ARE just a closet 2-pussied "meanie" (Quasimodo had heart).
[14] Yeah, take that C$. Better start apologizing or the pretty pink kitties are going back up.
inspired by fresh — #15: I retract my harsh words...it's really not my place to interfere with the delicate yet dynamic balance of the Dysfunction Junction.
Besides, it's pretty fun to hear Wiggie wig.
carry on.
Yes, some of us are more delicate then others. Isn't that right, Pretty Pink Kitty Cat Lover?
Ah-hem. Who's delicate?
"Please give me some feedback. Tell me I’m special. I just want to be loved. Oh, I'm so lonely"
Oh, I'm as delicate as the morning dew on a freshly opened flower. (Why do you think I spend all my time blogging with my "internet friends," not leaving the house and looking for social affirmation on the world wide web?)
But I'm not the one with the fetish for fuzzy pussy cats and the entire spectrum of pink.
[19]
I hear ya, brother. Things could always be worse. You could be a drop of dew on a delicate PINK flower. Then a kitty comes along and eats you. Then you get regurgitated in a wad of hair on the carpet.
Why am I so distasteful?
[20] Why am I so distasteful?
Yes, that seems to be the question of the day. Why does this distasteful little web site attract even more distasteful people and entice them into saying distasteful things about the people they love?
F all of you.
[21]
Hey now.
Let's just blame all the nasties on Thunderpants, Beef, and Juicy. Their names alone invoke dirty thoughts.
[23] No, no, no. Let us not play the blame game. Least of all, let us not blame Thunderpants, Beef and Juicy, though their monikers may conjure less respectable things in your mind, I see nothing but rolling, green meadows and hear nothing but the sweet singing of birds.
You are absolutely right. wow...I transformed into quite the name-calling, distasteful, blame-thrower. Thanks for helping me see the light. See what happens when the cuddly kitties are whisked from your life? First turmoil, then utter solitude. I just hope you can all find some compassion in your hearts, and we can all learn from my damaging reaction.
But I'm sorry...I still think "juicy beef thunderpants" is kind of naughty and hot. Oh, and Bone. I forgot Bone. How could I leave out the one with more heart? Glad to see you in my bloggyworld, Bone. I'm the epidemy of bad blogger. No etiquette whatsoever. I'll try to keep out too much sappy slop. http://julesaz.blogspot.com/
Alright, this is getting out of hand, Ms. Jules. I was OK with your distasteful remarks and disrespect of others, but this shameless plug for a blog that isn't even a part of the eLarceny Family will not stand.
We crush the weak and insecure. You and your blogspot blog are going down.
Hmm..ya got me all wrong, but I appreciate your candor. A lot of warm vulgarity is incomparably preferable to a little bit of pinched kindness.
[25] bring on the sappy slop, jules.
Bone: Naw...you don't really want to go there. I try so hard to dominate and defeat the girly sappy slop.
Freshness: In alter-ego mode I sometimes find myself in the thick of a similar crusade (crushing the weak and insecure), but it doesn't make me feel superior in the end. I admit that I, myself, am meek and modest much of the time. The goal is to achieve a comfy balance in the nether-regions between bitch and bullied.
[29] "the nether-regions between bitch and bullied"
sounds like a death metal album.
Rockin idea Bone...I'm picturing the heavy "Bizurker"-esque bassline already; so I'll tackle the music end- all lyrical ideas are welcome for our collaborative effort, "The Nether-regions Between Bitch and Bullied" (of course I'll give proper credit where due). I'll put it on my December mix and dedicate it to elarceny.
1. Totally rackin' up the most comments for a post - ever.
2. I will be waiting with hushed anticipation for the release of "The Nether-Regions Between Bitch and Bullied"
3. C$: Just noticed your statment about ten posts back. Don't be such a salty dog, or c101 will be transformed again. This time with puppies and salt shakers.
3. After a long day of crushing the weak and insecure, I come home and cry. Not for those that I crushed, but for those that I will never have a chance to crush. I call them the Uncrushables. They haunt my dreams and stalk the pseudo-caste system that I pretend is in place in my home town.
UNCLEAN!
Good Lord! Where have I been. Mr. Fresh, congratulations on your first year. I didn't get you anything. I feel as bad as the dad did in "Sixteen Candles" when he realized that he forgot Samantha's birthday. Please, I beg, don't try to curb C$'s bilious disposition. C$ is at his best when the hate blows through his veins like a son of a gun. I see I missed the deadline for the fun present, so I won't harass you. For what it's worth, though, often times I don't wear any underwear. When I do, they are usually a nice little white cotton number with little red hearts on them. Just like Samantha in "Sixteen Candles." Keep up the good work.
Thunderpants, where have you been?! We have missed your presence. Don't worry about missing my big day, nobody else got me anything either, unless you count a couple of "your mamma" jokes and assorted other distasteful remarks.
C$ is a salty dog for sure, but I worry so. Stress is bad for the ticker and I want him to be around for a long time to come. But I degress, he is at his best when at unrest.