Remember back in high school when you were too stupid, lazy or stoned to get all the way through that Shakespeare play so you went out and bought the cliff notes? I never did. Me and Shakespeare, we tight. But not everybody loves the Bard.
Now, fast-forward to July, 2005 when whacked-out R&B crooner R. Kelly drops his five chapter opus “Trapped in the Closet†on the unsuspecting masses of ‘Merica. The 10-minute plus barrage to the senses is a new low for the music video age, and wouldn’t you know, the masses love it . . . at least those who can understand it. Me and R. Kelly, we ain’t that tight. In fact I wish they’d just put him in jail already, but that would probably help his career even more.
For those who are afflicted with the same disease that I have (Whitus Pigmatus aka Honky-Titus), that renders your brain unable to process the things that R. Kelly says, we are in luck. The fine people at Something Awful made cliff notes to explain exactly what Robert is yammering about and nifty graphics that diagram the weird sex quadrangle that is the basis of the whole sordid affair.
If you are hoping this will go away soon, you are out of luck. R. Kelly has already recorded and shot video for seven more chapters. If any one is listening to this, please, make him stop. Think about the children.
Stuff to Sample: Dave Chapelle mocking R. Kelly with "Piss on You" and "Piss on You (Remix)"
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