Shhhhhhh. Shhh. Can you hear that? Emo is coming. It will dominate the radio and make all the kids sad. They will write bad poems and hide in their darkened rooms. The world will come to a grinding halt. Or it won’t. But be warned. Emo is coming. And I’m not talking isolated incidents of Emo, I’m talking wide-spread, mainstream, panic-inducing Emo. Why? Because Death Cab For Cutie will soon be releasing their new album Plans and its bound to be gold, that’s why.
All of the songs will fit perfectly into any one of the numerous teen-angst dramas or reality shows. I can just see some piece of jail-bait crying because her boyfriend just dumped her so he could make out with her sister’s, best friend’s, older cousin’s, slutty ex-lesbian lover. Thank you Ben Gibbard, for destroying the youth of America with your slightly depressing yet oddly hypnotic Emo song-stylings. If you need me, I’ll be watching Laguna Beach (at least until the new season of The OC starts).
Ok contest time. Whoever writes the best Emo-inspired haiku wins a stylish “I Heart Emo†or “Emo Makes Me Sad†button. Seriously, I will make it and send it to you, just write me a poem. If you are having trouble understanding Emo, please see this instructional video “How To Be Emo†on how to properly . . . be Emo.
Stuff to Sample: From DCFC's major label debut Plans "Different Names for the Same Thing" and "Crooked Teeth"
Here's an example of an Emo-inspired Haiku:
They mope behind doors
Darkened closets of sadness
Hormones make teens dumb
Death Cab for Cutie
Makes me long for that booty
That I will not get
Sadness my shadow
Woe will always be me
Sad songs make me rich
[3] I f'd up my haiku - only six sylables in the second line - So, please forgive my sensei.
Sadness my shadow
Woe will be me forever
Sad songs make me rich
can we write an emo song and then send it to you? i really want that button
emo rocks the oc, by beth wilson
new trend in newport
rooney posters trump wrist cuffs
now seth hot, ryan not
[5] Sorry, the button goes to the best haiku. But please do not let this stiffle your creative output. Writing emo songs can be very lucrative. And if, by chance, you happen to write an emo tune and it some how ends up in my mail box, I would probably send something a little bit better then a button.
Black by Stephan Mueller
black specs seeing more
black hair like spilled valdez oil
lung cookie black too
Black Redux:
black specs seeing more
hair like spilled valdez oil
lung cookie black too
Do not second-guess yourself, Grasshopper. You were right the first time. "Spilled" is a one syllable word.
hmmmmm for some reason i thought i had 8 because of oil. must of been that paint i was huffin'. i love inhalants!!
[11] Hell yes inhalants! A Haiku for killing brain cells:
blurry eyes so fun
frying circuitry today
who are you again?
[12] Anothe haiku, this one linking inhalants with the our favorite website, elarceny.
Please keyboard duster
Make me forget all I see
on this evil site.
Here's one dedicated to Double-A Ron, inspired by a marathon cornhole session:
The iPod shuffle
Toss baby out a window
What's the difference?