August 2005 Archives

I fell asleep in front of my computer at work today. It happens more then I’d like to admit. It’s brief; my chin hits my chest and I snap back to reality. To everyone else it just looks like I’m bobbing my head erratically as I while away the day, listening to music through headphones. I get a decent amount of sleep each night, a lot more then I used to get, anyway, so I’m wondering what the problem is? Do I have job-induced narcolepsy?

Kanye West and Bloc Party become the soundtrack to my dreams. Nothing I listen to seems to keep me awake, that is, until I met Dane Cook. If you don’t know Dane, I’ll introduce you. Blog denizens this is Dane Cook. Dane Cook, Blog denizens.

Dane makes me giggle. He pulls hardy laughter from my chest cavity. I’m sure you may have seen Dane on Comedy Central or some late night talk show, but he can’t use bad words there and we all know the only true funny is four-letter-word funny.

Dane just released a new two-disc CD called Retaliation. Before I go back to sleep I’m going to suggest you check out Dane’s unique view of the world.

Stuff to Sample: From Dane Cook’s new album Retaliation, “Abducted” and "Heist/Monkey”

I have a love/hate relationship with Kanye West. On the one hand, ‘Ye is doing his best, and succeeding, in bringing the fun back to hip hop. On the other hand, ‘Ye has made it OK – nay – fashionable, for men to wear pink. Personally, I don’t think men should wear pink. There is no bias in the above statement, just take a quick peek in the mirror, pink makes you look stupid. ‘Ye, you look stupid.

Unfortunately, ‘Ye’s new album is so good, everyone will be wearing pink polos for the next year and a half. ‘Ye’s album is so good I almost want to purchase several pastel polo’s and a pair of white polyester pants to match my white gator loafers. Almost ‘Ye, almost.

I have only two real issues with ‘Ye’s new album Late Registration. First, the skits are lame. Why do rappers insist on including weak-ass “comedy” bits? Why, ‘Ye, why? And second, there are two versions of the song “Diamonds From Sierra Leone.” The commercially released version with the video on the MTVs is a typical ‘Ye, rapping about himself. The other version with a guest appearance by Jay-Z gives us the socially conscious ‘Ye, who I love and respect, taking on the diamond trade. So why release the watered down version, ‘Ye? What’s up with that? Handle your business, damn.

Stuff to Sample: From Kanye West’s new album Late Registration “Touch the Sky (feat. Lupe Fiasco)” and “Diamonds From Sierra Leone Remix (feat. Jay-Z)”

I had a really tough time choosing the best emo-inspired haiku. I thought it would be easy to just pick a winner but I never expected such great poetic action from you guys. I spent most of the day agonizing over this decision. And I wish I could make buttons for all of you, I do, unfortunately, I’m sort of lazy. So . . . only one person will be getting the button. And that person is Steve for his haiku titled “Black”. Congratulations Steve. The competition was tight, though. Beth’s “Emo Rocks the OC” made me laugh (no laughing in emo, unless it’s ironic laughing) and eSwede’s and Sweets’ untitled masterpieces were right on the money. But I had to give it to Steve. I would explain my choice further, put my BA in Eng. Lit. to good use, extrapolating and deconstructing like a literary whiz, but again . . . lazy. So very, very lazy.

How about who ever writes the best five page essay on Steve's "Black" will win an “I Like to Extrapolate” or “Deconstruct This!” button. Anybody?

Stuff to Sample: Simon and Garfunkel’s poetically inspired “Richard Cory”

Some times I long for simpler days but you know what they say, "You can never go back again." Well, it's not true. You can go back and you can take beer with you. Just ask the kids who run Adult Swim. Five-year-olds trapped in a 30-year-old man's body running rampant, fueled by liquor and Chinese food. But in all reality, they are more adult then they would have us believe. I'm sure you have all met a five-year-old in a 30-year-old body. They are morons; unable to cope with change and annoying to the point of exasperation. But the kids at Adult Swim, not matter how immature their humor is, are forward thinking grown ups who understand one very important aspect of the business world - marketing tie-ins.

Thus, Dangerdoom's The Mouse in the Mask was born, finally bringing the oft estranged worlds of hip hop and cartoon makers together. Filled with the best quotes from the best Adult Swim shows, Dangerdoom, a collaboration between Danger Mouse and former KMD member MF Doom, will satiate both hip hop purists and white suburbanites with its mix of dope beats, off the wall lyricism and of course, they aren’t afraid to bring the funny.

I had never been a fan of MF Doom’s stream of consciousness rapping style, more of a verse-chorus-verse type myself, but Doom’s lyrics are fresh and funny and backed by incredible beats from Dangermouse. As an added bonus, Cee-Lo, Talib Kweli and Ghostface Killah show up to give me my 12-bar fix. This ingenious piece of marketing will hit the stores in October. Hurray marketing!

Stuff to sample: From Dangerdoom's The Mouse in the Mask "Sofa King" and "Space Hos"

And if you haven't already, time is running out to write an Emo Haiku.

"He said no Er, with his foot."

Other things you should know:

• Danger Mouse is a DJ and producer
• Danger Mouse exploded onto the scene last year with the Gray Album, a remix of Jay-z' Black Album using only samples from the Beatles' White Album.
• Danger Mouse then followed up with his own LP Ghetto Pop Life.
• This year, Danger Mouse teamed up with Damon Albarn to produce the Gorillaz newest album Demon Days.
• Danger Mouse will return with a project called Gnarls Barkely, a collaboration with the one and only Cee-Lo.
• MF Doom is a rapper.
• MF Doom was part of the early 90s underground hip hop scene in the critically acclaimed group KMD
• Earlier this year Doom teamed up with producer Madlib, called themselves Madvillain and put out Madvillainy.

Shhhhhhh. Shhh. Can you hear that? Emo is coming. It will dominate the radio and make all the kids sad. They will write bad poems and hide in their darkened rooms. The world will come to a grinding halt. Or it won’t. But be warned. Emo is coming. And I’m not talking isolated incidents of Emo, I’m talking wide-spread, mainstream, panic-inducing Emo. Why? Because Death Cab For Cutie will soon be releasing their new album Plans and its bound to be gold, that’s why.

All of the songs will fit perfectly into any one of the numerous teen-angst dramas or reality shows. I can just see some piece of jail-bait crying because her boyfriend just dumped her so he could make out with her sister’s, best friend’s, older cousin’s, slutty ex-lesbian lover. Thank you Ben Gibbard, for destroying the youth of America with your slightly depressing yet oddly hypnotic Emo song-stylings. If you need me, I’ll be watching Laguna Beach (at least until the new season of The OC starts).

Ok contest time. Whoever writes the best Emo-inspired haiku wins a stylish “I Heart Emo” or “Emo Makes Me Sad” button. Seriously, I will make it and send it to you, just write me a poem. If you are having trouble understanding Emo, please see this instructional video “How To Be Emo” on how to properly . . . be Emo.

Stuff to Sample: From DCFC's major label debut Plans "Different Names for the Same Thing" and "Crooked Teeth"

One day last week, I was watching Adult Swim and this crazy commercial comes on, which is not all that weird since Adult Swim is very good at being strange for the sake of being strange.

The commercial is just a close up of some guys' eye and he's tweezing his eye brow ackwardly, pulling out several hairs here and there. And I'm thinking what does this mean? What is Adult Swim trying to tell me? This goes on for a full fifteen seconds. Then it fades to black and a message pops up that says, "It's amazing what you can accomplish on meth. Brought to you by the Sylvania Police Department."

And I think, "Meth will make me want to tweeze my eye brows? WTF, mate?"

I wish I had a copy of that commercial to share with you but I don’t want to call the Sylvania Police Department and ask for the video. What would I say? “That meth commercial was righteous! Can I have a copy?” or “I’m a blogger and I’ll help you spread your anti-meth message across the internet (to all four people who read my blog).”

No, no I don’t think that would fly. They would probably think I was a tweaker who had pulled out most of my body hair long ago and wanted a copy of the commercial for sentimental reasons.

That fact is, meth is bad and I was very impressed the Sylvania Police Department would OK such an avant-garde piece that fit seamlessly into Adult Swim’s core message of “being weird is good” (just as long as your not on meth).

Lately, I hear alot of talk about meth. Newsweek did this huge piece on the drug, plus every time I look at any news source it seems another meth lab just got busted. In the mean time, Rolling Stone informs me that the federal government is escalating the war on drugs, specifically against marijuana, while the larger problem of meth and it's socio-economic consequences go largely unchecked by a police force stretched to thin to properly fight it. But what do I know, I’m just a crazy blogger.

However, if you are looking to shed 155 pounds over the weekend, try Jimmy Tango's Fat Busters Diet.

Apparently, I have this thing for blondes with some musical ability and a bag of pop hooks. Meet Natasha Bedingfield, a new pop sensation out of London. If you recognize her name its because her brother Daniel hit it big in 2002 with his dance single “Gotta Get Thru This.” That song just blew up right around the time I was doing my DJ thing in this club downtown. These girls who were too fat to be wearing short skirts and tight tops would request it every time I played down there. I finally found the tune with one of those file-sharing programs. I was disappointed. I’m not going to post the it; you’d be disappointed too.

Anyway, Daniel’s sister Natasha has released an album. It’s mediocre pop-ballad drivel at best, but her first single “These Words” has been stuck in my head for awhile. Plus she name checks Lord Byron, Percy Shelley and John Keats and I’ve never heard a pop-singer do that, so props to her. And then as I was scanning through the album, I hear Bizarre from D12 introduce himself. The song sucks, but it's such a weird duet that I had to post it.

Stuff to Sample: From Natasha Bedingfield’s Unwritten, “These Words” and “Drop Me in the Middle”

Today, Fresh is tired. Fresh doesn’t feel like making a post. In fact, Fresh is feeling a bit out of sorts, so out of sorts that Fresh has been referring to Fresh in third person terms.

Fresh was watching ESPN yesterday while Sean Salisbury and some other Johnny Haircut debated about athletes’ right to refer to themselves in the third person. Johnny Haircut asks Sean Salisbury if Adam “Pacman” Jones has earned the right to refer to himself in the third person. Sean Salisbury says, “He has not.” But who’s to judge? Who knows? Bo knows. Bo knows third person referencing.

Fresh was mildly amused. Fresh will refer to Fresh in the third person. Fresh has earned that right. Fresh hopes this doesn’t spawn a third person epidemic of Seinfeldian proportions. Fresh is sorry if it does. Fresh apologizes in advance. To make amends, Fresh has posted music to reference yourself in the third person by. Fresh hopes you enjoy.

Stuff to Sample: From Fila Brazilia’s Brazilification, “Nepalese Fish Dances” and from Boards of Canada’s Skam/Hi Scores EP “Turquoise Hexagon Sun”

The only bad thing about keeping a blog is that everything I say is down in black and white (1’s and 0’s actually) and can easily be referenced. What happens then is that I say something one day and then turn around the next and say the complete opposite. Seriously, go look. I contradict myself more then the Bible.

So just days after whining and complaining about this recent surge in “new-old music” I’m going to rave about the new Greenhornes EP East Grand Blues, who play some great garage inspired rock.

The Greenhornes were going to release a full album but the producer, Brendan Benson, released his own album and thus the recording was cut short. The results of which is this new EP. East Grand Blues is standard Greenhornes but much, much cleaner and really, really short (only one of the five songs clocks in at over three minutes). Give it a quick listen. And as an added bonus, go kill some animals like you used when you played Oregon Trial.

Stuff to Sample: From the Greenhornes’ new EP East Grand Blues “Pattern Skies” and “Shine Like The Sun”

Remember back in high school when you were too stupid, lazy or stoned to get all the way through that Shakespeare play so you went out and bought the cliff notes? I never did. Me and Shakespeare, we tight. But not everybody loves the Bard.

Now, fast-forward to July, 2005 when whacked-out R&B crooner R. Kelly drops his five chapter opus “Trapped in the Closet” on the unsuspecting masses of ‘Merica. The 10-minute plus barrage to the senses is a new low for the music video age, and wouldn’t you know, the masses love it . . . at least those who can understand it. Me and R. Kelly, we ain’t that tight. In fact I wish they’d just put him in jail already, but that would probably help his career even more.

For those who are afflicted with the same disease that I have (Whitus Pigmatus aka Honky-Titus), that renders your brain unable to process the things that R. Kelly says, we are in luck. The fine people at Something Awful made cliff notes to explain exactly what Robert is yammering about and nifty graphics that diagram the weird sex quadrangle that is the basis of the whole sordid affair.

If you are hoping this will go away soon, you are out of luck. R. Kelly has already recorded and shot video for seven more chapters. If any one is listening to this, please, make him stop. Think about the children.

Stuff to Sample: Dave Chapelle mocking R. Kelly with "Piss on You" and "Piss on You (Remix)"

Late night blogging is dangerous. I admit things I’d never say in the light of day. Learn from my example. But first, listen to some Annie. As soon as this hits the states full force, I will disavow any knowledge of this pop princess and fall in along side with the rest of the hipsters who hate anything mainstream. This post will disappear and I will spit venom and convulse like I do at the mere mention of Britney Spears or ABBA. But since no one here knows about Annie, it’s OK. Just keep telling yourself, it’s OK.

Annie is Norwegian (again, another point for Norway and another strike against those stupid Swedes). Annie’s story is sad. In 1999 she met a young DJ and producer named Tore. She and Tore hooked up and then they made some music in the studio and the bedroom. All was good until Tore died suddenly from a heart defect in 2001, leaving Annie devastated. Then came depression, weeks of isolation, blah blah blah . . . she starts to come around and then . . . pop album! Pop album? Pop album. I’m not trying to trivialize her suffering, but most people don’t follow up the death of a loved one with a pop album.

Just remember, it’s OK. If you need help rationalizing it, I could tell you that Röyksopp produced three tracks on her new album Anniemal. That would make it Ok, wouldn’t it?

Stuff to Sample: From Annie's new album Anniemal "Chewing Gum" and "Always Too Late"

And do yourself a favor, go check out the video for "Chewing Gum."

There hasn’t been much new music lately. New bands have been formed and these bands have made new songs, yes, but the sound is anything but new. I really wonder sometimes if any truly new music will ever emerge. How long can these bands keep rehashing the past? How many different ways can the White Stripes reinterpret old musical styles? How many new albums must I endure from bands that proudly list the Faces as a major influence like it’s a badge of honor? When will the kids stop looking backward and start looking forward? When, Lord, when?

But this is an argument that could go in many different directions and continue on into infinity. And why go through all of that when all I want to say is this new band called the Sights plays old music. They do it really, really well, but I almost don’t care anymore. So what, if they are from Detroit? So what if ex-Smashing Pumpkin James Iha has signed them to his label? So what? I’d prefer they try something completely new and fail rather then be that good at doing something half the bands in the sixties and seventies already did (and with so much less).

Stuff to Sample: From the Sights’ self-titled album “Circus” and “Will I Be True?”